Goleman's 3 Questions to Increase your Emotional Intelligence

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Goleman's 3 Questions to Increase your Emotional Intelligence
Gandhi Heryanto, Management Consultant, Indonesia, Premium Member
To improve your Emotional Intelligence (EI) you have to know the areas where to focus your efforts. And you must understand how to improve these skills on a practical level along with the goals you want to achieve.
After this you can then actively build habits in those areas. Merely understanding the areas conceptually is not enough.
According to Goleman and Nevarez, to increase your emotional intelligence you should start by asking yourself 3 questions:

This is to get a sense of how your self-perception (how you see yourself) differs from your reputation (how others see you).
To give you the best sense of where the differences lie between your self-perception and your reputation, then, you should use a 360-degree feedback assessment that takes into account the multiple facets of EI.
Another way to get an outside perspective on how your actions impact your relationships and your work is to work with a coach.

When you get your feedback from an assessment or your coach, let that inform what you want to improve. But also consider what your goals are — how you want to get better at what you do now, or where you want to go in the future. Understanding the impacts of your current EI habits relative to your goals will keep you going over the long haul as you do the work of strengthening your emotional intelligence.

Once you’ve determined which EI skills you want to focus on, identify specific actions that you’ll take. If you’re working on becoming a better listener, for example, you might decide that when you’re conversing with someone you’ll take the time to pause, listen to what they have to say, and check that you understand before you reply. Keep it specific. That helps you change the target habit.
Change the old habits that aren’t serving you well and transform them into new, improved ones that do.

Source: Goleman, D. and Nevarez, M., 2018, "Boost Your Emotional Intelligence with These 3 Questions", HBR August 2018.

Ad 1: Important Issue with Self-Perception
Allemeersch, Interim Manager, Belgium, Member
Be careful with relying on how you perceive yourself. (Self-) Perception is a difficult concept. It is doomed to be coloured by your own experience, your own liking, your own assessment and last but not least by the Halo Effect created by the initial contact.
Some people are wise enough to check their perception against others' perception of the same person. Some keep the initial perception and try to prove everything they see or hear to transform it to the perception they have ("Tunnel Vision"). For example, some top managers can be blind for what is really happening on the floor.

Perceptions and Emotional Intelligence
Jaap de Jonge, Editor, Netherlands
@Allemeersch: Excellent point. Understanding (differences in) perceptions about how you see yourself and how others see you is Goleman's 1st step to improve your emotional intelligence, but it’s a tricky one...
It’s almost like to improve your EI, you need EI... A vicious circle.
To learn more about understanding perceptions, you might take a look at the comprehensive best practice about this subject: “Understanding Perceptions of Other People and Yourself" (Premium).

Accurate Self Perception is Impossible
Maurice Hogarth, Consultant, United Kingdom, Premium Member
The questions relate to self-awareness and self-development from this, beyond EI alone.
"Perception" is about how we think we see. So, it is impossible for us to perceive ourselves as we really are.
We cannot help but look at ourselves through 'rose-tinted-glasses' (unless we are suffering from 'depression' in some form).
We can take a variety of psychometric tests to assess who we are, striving for honesty, however, as lie-detector checks show, we cannot help depicting ourselves in the best possible light.
Where there is a high correlation between forms of assessment (I don't like "tests")(e.g. tA & Relationship Awareness Theory) the feedback enables a form of cross-check on their accuracy.
We can compare what other people perceive about us (I suggest a minimum of 3 who are not close friends or close colleagues) with our own self image to see how well we fit what we think we fit.
What we then do, in terms of questions 2 and 3, is another story.

Wrong Concept of Oneself and Emotional Intelligence
Luisa Pineda Martinez, Professor, Guatemala, Member
Excellent. Sometimes I may have a wrong concept of myself, or if I'm right. Then I need to work (first) on lowering my self-concept and receiving feedback wisely.
Excelente. A veces creo tener un auto concepto equivocado, o tener la razón. Estoy trabajando en bajar el auto concepto y recibir feedback sabiamente.

Do not Jump on EI Because it Sounds Interesting
Gregory Johnson, Coach, United States, Premium Member
Mind the IQ versus EI Distinction:
  • When we look at the EI resource we sometimes try to approach it from an intelligence perspective born of the mysterious IQ masquerade. IQ doesn't give you much other than feeling good about your potential. The reality is in the application of intellect versus simply having scored well on an assessment or test.
  • With EI, please do yourself a favor by having some Idea where your emotions need the discipline and focus to grow. Have direction as a precurser to any thought or conversation regarding EI.
    Even when engaging in a 360 assessment, have some idea of "why" you are doing it. By answering the "why" you are giving yourself direction and discipline to fine tune your journey. Simply put, do not jump on EI because it sounds interesting. Adopt it as a behavioral change or mindset to benefit your career or life in general. Do so with forethought.

Analysis Why of Assessments
Allemeersch, Interim Manager, Belgium, Member
You can kill yourself through self analysis. Sometimes you do things because of gut feeling, or due to your rich unconsciousness.
Empathy is a big help. Be emphatic to yourself, be emphatic to others and there is no need for an explanation for everything you do. Most of the cases you will be right. Live with your decisions and learn.

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