Being a 'Good-Enough' Coach is the Best that we can Be...

Coaching
Knowledge Center

Forum

New Topic

Rob Thompson
Coach, United Kingdom

Being a 'Good-Enough' Coach is the Best that we can Be...

🔥NEW Working as coaches we detect and explore the patterns which reveal pictures of a client's inner landscape a window to their 'inner-selves' perhaps? To contain that narrative, we explore our own relationships with the content at some level referencing our inner-selves to find meaning and feeling. Sometimes this is conscious thinking about similar issues in our own lives and how they resonate with our own attitudes and beliefs.

Working with one school leader recently, it became clear that his beliefs towards the academic potential of students from disadvantaged backgrounds was very different to that of students from more affluent families. This counter-resonated with my own beliefs and I experienced a strong somatic response. I considered the position of the school leader. He was under pressure to improve exam results, student behaviour was becoming difficult to manage, staff absences were the highest they had ever been whilst responding to the CoVID pandemic.

Afterwards, I thought about how being a parent had clear parallels with what happened in the coaching session. Winnicott's (1958) concept of the 'good enough mother' came to mind and with it the need to be a 'good-enough coach'. He described how from the moment that babies are born, they are immersed in the relationship with the mother. In the ongoing relationship, the anxieties or feelings a child cannot manage are projected towards the mother (Klein 1923). She introjects such feelings, contains them and returns them in a more manageable form and with new meaning. She contains her own anger, shame and fears as she empathises with the child. As the child encounters a new relationship between mother and father, she sees herself as an independent entity. Parents adopt roles over time which increase levels of independence. Periods of frustration are useful to the child to adapt to different circumstances. If a mother's complete commitment to baby's needs doesn't decrease, then the child's sense of a real external world is distorted. The illusion that expressing a need always results in immediate caring does not allow the child to experience a world which does not always conform to her needs.

In my coaching encounter I contained the emotions and perspectives of the coachee. In re-projecting these experiences, I created the conditions for the coachee to perceive a new reality. In this case, discussing the pressures he was under allowed him to explain that his frustration was with a system that demanded fast results and that this was being expressed as distorted attitudes towards groups of students. As I 'bore-witness' to this re-narration, the coachee created new directions for supporting his team to work with these students. By acting in 'third position', I used his experiences to challenge him to re-imagine what could be done, rather than being bogged down in the present.

Being a 'good-enough coach' is a complex balance of listening, containing, interpreting and externalising. In Western's (2012) Paternal-maternal-paternal (PMP) model for coaching, paternal and maternal descriptors are metaphors for any adult in either parenting or coaching scenarios:
- The maternal role involves the importance of relationship, listening, containment and reframing.
- Paternal roles involve engaging the client with the external world to address the issues and put them to work. This challenges clients to transfer learning into new actions or behaviours. Otherwise as coaches we collude, and relationships become too therapeutic. This ultimately serves no purpose as the status quo is retained.
⇨ Do you view your own coaching in this 'good enough' way?

Klein, M. (1923). The Development of a Child. International Journal of Psycho-Analysis, 4, 419-474
Western, S. (2012). Coaching and Mentoring: A Critical Text (1st ed). SAGE Publications Ltd.
Winnicott, D.W. (1958). Collected Papers. Through Paediatrics to Psycho-Analysis, London: Tavistock Publications.

  Philippe Guenet
Coach, United Kingdom
 

Business Coaching Should not be About Solutions

I am also a coach (ICF coach) with a focus on Busi (...) 3-7-2021

  Jaap de Jonge
Editor, Netherlands
 

Forms of Business Coaching

Some thoughts. Quite a few people indeed neither u (...) 5-7-2021

  Rob Thompson
Coach, United Kingdom
 

Taking a Coaching 'stance'

@Philippe Guenet: I recognise what you say here Ph (...) 5-7-2021

  Philippe Guenet
Coach, United Kingdom
 

Coaching Stance and Firefighters

@Rob Thompson: I wish that it was a topic of conve (...) 15-7-2021

  Jaap de Jonge
Editor, Netherlands
 

(Selling) Coaching Requires a Very Good Relation

@Philippe Guenet: Many people are open to consider (...) 16-7-2021

  Philippe Guenet
Coach, United Kingdom
 

Coaching Needs Rapport

Yes, I know this and coaching (especially individu (...) 16-7-2021

  Maurice Hogarth
Consultant, United Kingdom
 

Reality of Expectations in Coaching

"Good enough" is a statement of quality. It is ade (...) 20-7-2021

Start a new forum topic

 

More on Coaching
Summary
Forum
The GROW Model / Coaching Framework
Coaching as Social Capital
Teacher Professional Development (TDP) Models
Business Coach must be Holistic
Qualitative and Quantitative Aspects of Coaching
Being a 'Good-Enough' Coach is the Best that we can Be...
Raising Productivity by Coaching
The Wheel of Life: Balance your Life
Coaching Emanates from the Relationality
Evaluate the Benefits of Coaching in Your Organisation
Coaches Bring Out the Best in Their 'Teams'
Problems with Definition of Coaching
Best Practices
Coaching by Managers and Leaders
Mentoring versus Coaching
The Enneagram of 9 Personalities. Types and Centers.
Has Coaching Become Too Technical?
The Coach is a Facilitator for Self-Findings
Qualities of a Good Coach. Checklist
Trillion Dollar Coach: Team Coaching Lessons for Managers
Assumptions of Coaching: You Can Change and Develop Yourself
Effective Coaching
Coach People's Strengths or Weaknesses?
Rational Emotional and Behavioral Therapy: REBT
Coaching is Expert-aided Goal-oriented Learning
Why Leaders Need Coaching
Does Business Coaching Really Work?
How to Get Help from Someone Else?
The Need for Relational Coaching
Using Incentives and Rewards in Coaching
Coaching and Pedagogy
Use of the Body in Coaching
Preconditions for Successful Coaching
Special Interest Group

Do you have a keen interest in Coaching? Sign up for free

Notify your students

Copy this into your study materials:

and add a hyperlink to:

Link to this discussion

Copy this HTML code to your web site:

Coaching
Knowledge Center



About 12manage | Advertising | Link to us / Cite us | Privacy | Suggestions | Terms of Service
2021 12manage - The Executive Fast Track. V15.8 - Last updated: 25-7-2021. All names of their owners.